500 Words on the "Remember November"

The 5^th of November: When government squashed an uprising and executed the traitors. Unless you are a member of the Republican Governors Association who launched the Remember November campaign this week.

Once again, uptight reactionaries demonstrate that they don’t understand history. In the launch of RembemberNovember.com, the RGA alluded to the heroic effort of Guy Fawkes, the William Donahue of his time, and encourages conservatives to continue that fight this November.

A few things that might not have been clear the last time the Republican Governors Association got together for movie night and watched, “V for Vendetta”:

Treason. Guy Fawkes and the Gunpowder Plot was a treasonous attempt to destroy the British government by assassinating the King and all of the leaders of the Protestant Parliament. Is high treason a righteous aspiration today?

Catholicism. The Gunpowder Plot was planned and executed by Catholics. Look among your ranks and you’ll find many anti-Catholic ideologues (um… Mike Huckabee) among you. The Evangelical political movement – fostered and benefitting people like Haley Barbour, the RGA Chair – represents exactly the type of religious superiority and oppression that Fawkes and the Gunpowder Plot were seeking to destroy.

Failure. Guy Fawkes was caught on November 5, the Gunpowder Plot blocked, and the King and Parliament survived and came out of the ordeal more popular. Fawkes and his co-conspirators were caught, convicted, and executed. Their goals not met.

Jingoism. The expression, “Remember November” and the songs and poems and stories about the Gunpowder Plot do not celebrate the treason, but the power of the government in suppressing rebellion. “Remember November” is a cry of royalist Protestantism. You won’t hear the song bellowing through Westminster Cathedral.

The Whole Song. Seriously, you didn’t need to read a book, finish “V for Vendetta,” nor have an English friend who could explain the Gunpowder Plot. All Governor Barbour needed to do was finish that damn song. It’s pretty clear that the song does not celebrate Fawkes and the uprising.

Abject Failure. In case you didn’t notice, 400 years later England is still a Protestant country.

I know Natalie Portman can be distracting, even bald, but before forming an election strategy, would you mind picking up a history book… or visiting Wikipedia.

So yes, please, “Remember November.” The Gunpowder Plot was truly a few organized extremists, with violent intent, seeking to destroy the government in pursuit of their own narrow agenda. There really is no reason why their treason should be forgot:

Remember, remember the Fifth of November,
The Gunpowder Treason and Plot,
I see no reason
Why the Gunpowder Treason
Should ever be forgot.

Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes, t'was his intent
To blow up the King and Parli'ment.
Three-score barrels of powder below
To prove old England's overthrow;
By God's providence he was catch'd
With a dark lantern and burning match.

Holla boys, Holla boys, let the bells ring.
Holloa boys, holloa boys, God save the King!
And what should we do with him? Burn him!

500 Words on the Westboro Baptist Church

The United States Supreme Court has agreed to hear arguments in a case against Rev. Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church. Phelps, of “God Hates Fags” fame, tours the country protesting at funerals (American service members and victims of hate crimes) , media events (the Oscars and the opening of a Chick-Fil-A), and days ending in “y”. Frequently, his church and his family members – mostly one in the same – speak for him.

The case headed to the Supreme Court is a “First Amendment” case based on the Maryland verdict against the church that was later reversed by the Court of Appeals. A Maryland jury awarded the family of a soldier killed in Iraq $10 million after the “Poster Patrol” of Rev. Phelps picketed outside of the funeral.

For more than 20 years, the Westboro Baptist Church has been a visible presence proclaiming God’s wrath against America because of its “wholehearted” acceptance of homosexuality. Phelps started showing up to the funerals of those who died of AIDS, declaring God’s harshest verdict for homosexuality. Wherever violence against gay men and women resulted in death, you could be sure that Phelps or his church would show up. After September 11^th, the Westboro Baptist Church turned some of their hatred towards America at large. They argue that God is punishing this country and its honorable service members because of our permissive culture. He’s sees Pat Robertson’s crazy and raises! But did you know this about the Westboro Baptist Church:

Fred Phelps rose out of the Civil Rights Movement? Before being disbarred in 1979, Fred Phelps was a prominent and successful Civil Rights attorney. He claims to have brought down Jim Crow in Kansas and that his outspoken defense of racial minorities earned him a lot of enemies in Topeka. In the 80s, Phelps was honored by the local NAACP. Before a voluntary disbarment from Federal courts in 1989, he even sued President Reagan claiming that sending a United States ambassador to the Vatican was a violation of the constitutional separation of church and state.

At least 11 of Phelps’ adult children are lawyers still running his old firm? Since most of Westboro’s “followers” are Phelps family members living in a compound in Topeka, the majority of the church’s funds come from nuisance lawsuits filed by the Phelps’.

As much fun as it is to make fun of fundie, oppressive religion, it’s important to note that the Westboro Baptist Church is not affiliated with any Baptist convention or association and many Baptist leaders have aggressively disassociated themselves with Westboro. It’s not much of a church since both the Anti-Defamation League and Southern Poverty Law Center have declared it a hate group.

England said “go home”? In 2009, the British government officially banned Fred Phelps and his daughter/spokeswoman Shirley Phelps Roper from Great Britain. The government position was endorsed by several conservative Christian groups in the country.

Say what? As recently as 1998, Phelps has run for Governor of Kansas… in the Democratic Party primary.

500 Words on the NFL News II

It’s Wednesday, which means football! I’ve suffered through NFL.com’s screen to screen coverage of the 2010 Scouting Combine, at which apparently nothing happened. I can’t stand media-gadfly Tim Tebow and the combine seemed to be the Tebow Show. What’s a fan to do …when he doesn’t have cable during the Olympics and can’t stand ice dancing anyway? And, yes Chelsea Handler, ice dancing is gay!

We don’t need your stickin’ cap! The NFL is in its last year of its labor agreement and like all labor agreements, negotiations aren’t going well. The fun part of the union-management debate is that if a deal isn’t struck by Friday there will be no salary cap. That’s good news for fans of Drew Brees (yay!) and Peyton Manning that want to see their high-paid superstars stick around without taking up too much room. With no cap, expensive players like Reggie Bush get to stay, too, while the team still develops younger players. The downside is the financial pressure other teams will face trying to compete. Normally, the Saints – a small market team – would not benefit from a lifted cap. Thank God (again!) for that Super Bowl ring!

Fun little side trivia: According to the league, and disputed by the players association, 75% of all NFL revenue goes to the players.

Know when to hold ‘em. Every Saints fan wants to know: will Darren Sharper be in black and gold come fall? The 34 year-old Sharper came to the Saints last year and had a stellar season while the Saints did too. But in the NFL, he’s older and this year a free agent. While the uncapped season bodes well for moneyed teams, it puts the pressure on the Saints. In a list of the top 50 free agents, Sharper is number 6. New Orleans front-office could’ve used their tag to hold on to him for 2010 but chose not to. This week we should find out how negotiations play out with Sharper. I’m also holding out for sentimental favorite Scott Fujita, a great linebacker, smarty-pants with a Masters, and outspoken supporter of gay rights. Fingers crossed!

For he’s a Jolly Good Fellow! March is when the retirements should flow, too. We know Kurt Warner is passing the reigns to Matt Leinart. He’s the only one we know about. Everyone likes to speculate about Favre, but he’s teased us before. Who will free up some room for all those young players boring the pants off me at the Combine?

He shoots, he scores! As a rule of thumb, I’ve avoided sports where that phrase is used. Frankly, I don’t have the attention span (or the bladder) for sports where points can come out of nowhere. But this off-season, I’m auditioning replacements sports. Hockey had a good shot this past weekend, but a Gold-Medal Olympic game against Canada might have been a stacked deck. I’m open to suggestions and invitations.

There’s only 190 days until the season opener in the Louisiana Superdome. Are you ready?

500 Words on How to Kill the Gays

I've held back my comments on Uganda's "Kill the Gays" bill for some time. The following 500 words explain why, and my frustration dealing with this important issue.

If your country wants to make homosexuality punishable death, there’s an easy way to avoid public scrutiny: convert to Islam.

The liberal media – to which I hope I belong – have been making a lot of noise over the past few months about a new law proposed in Uganda. The proposed law would make homosexuality and homosexual acts punishable by death. Under the proposal friends, family and others who know a homosexual can face jail time as well. There’s been talk of muting the proposed law a little by replacing death with life imprisonment, although I can’t imagine that’s much better in a Ugandan jail.

The proposed law in Uganda is outrageous, but it’s not novel. In fact, I’ve overused “proposed” so that you realize that this is not yet the law of Uganda. Meanwhile, 7 countries have already prescribed death for homosexuals: Iran, Saudi Arabia, Yemen, Sudan, Mauritania, and regions of Somalia and Nigeria. (In Nigeria, the northern Muslim region treats homosexuality as punishable by death, while the southern, Christian-majority region only calls for life imprisonment.)

While the criminalization of gays and lesbians is obscene, the pass that the Muslim world has gotten in this debate is as offensive. According to ILGA, a worldwide network of more than 700 GLBT organizations, you will find 72 countries that call for serious imprisonment (more than 10 years) of homosexuals. The list sweeps through the developing world and are made up of Christian, Muslim, Hindu (yes, India is still on the list!), and tribal countries. But of all the countries surveyed for their report – more than 150 – only 7 allow for executions and all 7 are Muslim.

What makes Uganda different?

More than 80% of Uganda is Christian, with nearly half of all Christians subscribing to the Roman Catholic Church. Some think they’ve found ties to Christian Fundamentalist networks in the United States and the main sponsor of the “Kill the Gays” bill, David Bahati. I’ve read that the motivation for the proposed law is the rising prominence of gays throughout Africa and a fear – a phobia, of sorts – of a rising gay subculture. There is no doubt that gays are gaining more visibility on the continent, which has some of the most oppressive anti-gay laws already on the books. I imagine that would strike fear in the hearts of fundamentalist of any ilk.

But as the Uganda story gets more and more ink, I am frustrated in chats with like-minded liberal friends who seem ignorant to the laws already in the books in the Muslim world. I’m sure I’ll be called anti-Muslim by some, but I think the only explanation of the intense focus on Uganda is a lovely mix of anti-semitic/pro-Islam bias and true racism. In my experience, because of the perceived bias and oppression of Palestinians by the Israelis, the rest of the Muslim world often gets a “Treat Women and Minorities like Crap” Card.

Yes, this law in Uganda should be stopped. But don’t think the oppression will cease.

500 Words on Killer Whales

They call them what? On Wednesday, an orca – popularly and inappropriately known as a “killer whales” – killed its trainer during a show at Orlando’s Sea World. The world is shocked and outraged. The Shamu Stadium of the Orlando theme park was filled and thousands witness the gruesome death of the trainer, Dawn Brancheau.

Ms. Brancheau’s death is horrible, and I do not intend on cheapening the loss to her family and friends. But, every day, hundreds of “trainers” around the world get into tanks with massive, dangerous animals for entertainment. Her death is horrible, but not unexpected.

Killer whales are not even whales, but dolphins. They are the largest dolphins and earned their name because they’ve been known to kill large whales. Orcas are apex predators that have no known natural predators. Only man hunts orca.

How does living in captivity affect an orca? We can’t ask them, but we can ask ourselves. The orcas do give us some signs. The majority of males will experience dorsal fin collapse, a problem rarely seen in the wild. Orcas are generally docile among others, but in captivity they often demonstrate aggressive behavior. While there has never been a reported attack on humans in the wild, there have been dozens in captivity over the last 4 decades.

Orcas are found in all of the world’s oceans. Many types are transient, travelling thousands of miles. Even the resident breeds will travel all over, like throughout the Puget Sound in Washington. At Sea World, and other marine theme parks, the orcas live in captivity. While a million-gallon, 35 foot tank might sound big, compare it with the Pacific Ocean, or even just the Santa Monica Bay.

They are highly social animals that we trap into tanks, isolating them from their peers. They typically stay with their mothers their entire lives and living and traveling in multi-generational families. At Sea World, they swim in a tank alone or with one or two other orcas. And Sea World has the best reputation for treating marine mammals well. While orcas typically live for 50 years, and as long as 80 years, in the wild, the average life span in captivity is 25. Most killer whales don’t even sexually mature until 15-20 years.

They don’t hunt, we feed them. They don’t socialize, we make them perform. They swim in circles, not freely. They are 15,000 pound animals and we think that we can control and dominate them for entertainment.

I want to make clear that I’m not anti-zoo/anti-aquarium. But I don’t think we should confine massive animals in small places and purposefully change their behavior for entertainment. That’s not what good zoos or aquariums do.

It was horrible when Chris Farley died. He was a brilliantly talented comedian and actor. But it wasn’t a surprise. He was morbidly obese with a heart condition and a coke habit. When a 12,000 pound animal named a “killer whale” takes a human life, it is only doing what should be expected.

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This is the trailer for The Cove. This movie will make you rethink every marine mammal in captivity, from Sea World to dolphin encounters.

500 Words on News from the NFL: 1st Edition

One of the new features on 500 Words will be a rundown of the best football stories of the week. Even during the off-season there is plenty to get excited about. Turn here for quick fix of the NFL news that I find the most interesting and exciting each week.

LT gets cut from the Chargers. It’s the biggest news of the week, and the most personal for me. When my brother moved to Southern California, we picked up season tickets to the San Diego Chargers. It was an interesting case of football kismet: San Diego’s new starting quarterback, Phillip Rivers, picked up where the recently cut starter, Drew Brees, left off (before his career was saved by the New Orleans Saints and he saved the Saints). Rivers was the new guy, which means his following wasn’t huge. Sitting in the stands, fans backs were adorned with the name “Tomlinson” not "Rivers."

LaDainian Tomilinson, San Diego’s supercharged running back, was the star at the Q. Even as Rivers found his rythym, LT (as fans screamed from their seats) owned the hearts of the fans. My first cheers at home for the Chargers were for LT. His play was always exciting and his charity profound. But with his age and payroll both rising, the Chargers just didn’t have room for LT any more. He’ll be playing next season, just not for San Diego. And now Breesus himself is weighing in, proposing LT don the black and gold.

Will Tim Tebow fall as flat as his controversial Super Bowl commercial? During the run up to the Saints historic Super Bowl victory, a little fundie sail boat tried to steal of the wind from the Who Dat Nation. Tim Tebow -- college star -- and his family created a smokeless firestorm by taping a spot for the Christian fundamentalist Focus on the Family organization. CBS strayed from its long established “No Advocacy Ads” policy for the Super Bowl under the financial pressure of slipping ad sales. It was a great stunt. The commercial was harmless but it got the nation’s attention for Focus and Tebow’s fundie beliefs.

I like football because I can sit in a crowded bar with fans from 32 different teams and 32 different walks of life and cheer for the same game. Football only divides us by the colors we wear. On any given Sunday, we are all football fans. Except for Tebow.

His evangelism never stops and it slowly breaks down this promise we have as fans. He likes to play football, but he likes to make new Christians more. As he gears up for his first season in the NFL and gets signed to a big time team, I hope he can learn how to focus on the game and save the scripture for his church.

The funniest football fan in America? My friend Amy ran into Chad Ochocinco at Roscoe’s Chicken & Waffles and made him laugh. She made a man who legally changed his name to his jersey number laugh! That’s one funny lady.

500 Words on Missing Words

I’ve always loved writing, and have a lot of fun blogging over the years. When I quit teaching in early November, my schedule had a lot more room in it. My plan – my brilliant plan – was to use this blog to practice writing and get some feedback. I’d have a lot more time and it only takes a couple of hours to research and write a post. It was going to be perfect.

And then reality got in the way.

My triumphant return is an explanation of where I’ve been. I hope you’ll understand.

Who dat gonna keep me from bloggin’? Since 2005, I’ve spent my Sundays on dive boats. I never took more than 10 weekends off each year and rarely did one of these Sundays fall during football season. There were a few Sundays that I could focus on football, but I had tickets to the Chargers with my brother and was focusing on only one game. Hell, I watched 3 Super Bowls on dive boats and caught the end of a fourth after a morning shore diving.

So Saints football only held my attention on Monday or Thursday night games. Otherwise, I had to settle with recaps, websites, and first-hand accounts from my fellow Super-fan Amy. SCUBA diving ruined my football.

So it’s only fitting that football would ruin my blogging. In fairness, my original schedule never demanded much attention on a Sunday – which was good because I spent most Sundays during the regular season holding court for two games in a row – but the historic playoff run of the New Orleans Saints started dominating my post-season life. In my free time I was reading about the Saints, talking about the Saints, and making Saints-inspired iTunes playlists. I spent 2 full weeks between the NFC Championship game and the Super Bowl thinking only in black and gold.

In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies keep me from blogging. Ironically, around the time my blogging lapsed I cancelled my DirecTV service. Right now, I have no television access. I was watching too much television and quitting cold turkey would free up hours a day. Until I found a loop hole. My inadequately unused Netflix account would feed the addiction with 10 seasons of streaming Law & Order SVU. I’m now finished through season 10, in case you were wondering.

It’s a Kindle world, I just live in it. Shop for a book, read a book, finish a book. Repeat. I got a Kindle for Christmas and it’s a hundred times better than I imagined.

So, I’ve managed to keep busy, but not busy doing the things I want to be busy doing. But there is good news. The New Orleans Saints are Super Bowl Champions, there are only 10 seasons of SVU on Netflix, and reading helps me write. Hopefully, I’ll settle back into the routine that I never quite perfected.